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There are no Difficult People How many difficult people do you know? We can all be difficult when our needs are not being met. In our experience anyone can seem difficult sometimes. If we consider they are not really difficult people and are just people with a difficulty, we can approach them quite differently. Suggestion: Whenever you find yourself with a ‘difficult’ participant, how about simply viewing them as a person with a difficulty. When we are presented with any difficult situation in a workshop or training session what can we do? Firstly: Ask yourself... Am I creating the difficulty myself? Is it something that I am doing that is causing this person to be upset? Is my state affecting their state? Secondly: Remember... You have an amazing array of resources to call upon - your own and all of the participants. So why not make use of all of them. Thirdly: Keep all of the above in mind as you consider the following behaviours. These were highlighted by participants in a recent learning programme: | Someone who hijacks a workshop to add in own objectives | Disengaged – tries to get others disengaged with him | Belittles others | | Someone who is senior, has very strong opinions and is not interest in detail as time is precious | Point scorer, must “win” the meeting | Someone who continually disagrees with the facilitator and the group | | People who have their mind made up | Someone who sulks when others don’t agree with their opinion | Keeps moving off topic, own agenda | | Someone who has opinions and wants to influence others individually (divide and conquer) domineering | Wants to talk about only one topic | Opinionated, takes over Domineering | | I’m right if you don’t agree you are wrong | | |
Remember it is better to prevent people issues than deal with them. We designed much of the material in the first two ‘design’ days of our 5-day Effective Facilitation Learning Programme (ask us for details) to reduce the risk of people issues. As a reminder of these ideas: -
Consider P A C E Process Attendees Content and Environment. Remember, the environment alone can impact greatly on a group -
Design small group activities in to the workshop so that you increase interest and involvement. In this way you minimise one person’s ability to disrupt or control the workshop -
Consider C H E R Care Help Empathy and Respect when dealing with the group so that you don’t unwittingly increase the chance of people reacting to you negatively. In the following pages we have grouped tactics under four headings: | | Ø Avoidance is always best Ø Prepare well in order to avoid Ø Ask the ‘owner’ for help | | | Ø In a sensitive way Ø Balance their need with the rest of the group Ø Make use of the group to help you | | | Ø Yourself Ø Them Ø The situation | | | Ø Them as they are Ø Work from where they are Ø Get help from others | We emphasise that avoidance tactics are preferable but accept that people issues may arise even with the best preparation. If an issue does arise, there is no need to be defensive. Remember that there is a good reason for this issue. This person just has a difficulty that the group can help them with. Move towards the person, relax your body, smile, look them in the eyes and remain confident. Reflect issues to the group wherever possible. Do use this document as the basis for your experience and add to it as you gain more. Remember that not all tactics work every time, you may have to work at it! Types of behaviour Participants of our Facilitation Learning Programmes have identified a number of types other than those already mentioned and these are included below. | | | | | | Read the checklist of when you should and should not facilitate | Make sure you are holding the workshop for the right reasons | | Pay close attention to the risk reduction process, climate building and PACE issues. Do not give them a trigger to be argumentative | People often come to a workshop with a lot of baggage and find you a useful person to dump it on. Avoid giving them the chance | | | Agree with a small point but disagree with the main point of their argument and divert to the group for discussion | “I agree with x but not sure I agree with y. What does the group think?” | | Speak to them at a convenient break and establish if there is any kind of issue they have | Allowing them to express feelings in private may reduce their aggression in the group | | Summarise and reflect their comments back to the group e.g. “do others think we have no time to do this?” | Don’t take all responsibility on your shoulders. If the group agree with the person then ask the group how they would like to deal with the situation | | Ask them in a non defensive way to give the group their alternative approach | You may then choose to have the group list the pros and cons of each choice | | Empathise – identify that they appear to feel strongly about the issue and ask why this is | You may surface some issues or hidden agendas | | | Ask yourself if you have done anything to spark this attitude and seek to adapt your viewpoint | Are you involved in the content? Are you trying to sell an idea? Are you defending “your baby”? | People who are not interested during the workshop and try to disengage others | | | | | | Design in small group activity to prevent them working on other things | In pairs it’s impossible to do something else | | Ask them to clear their desks of anything except what you give them | You could just use chairs so they have nowhere to work! | | Have individuals write up a personal “to do” list of things on their mind | This allows people to put aside their thoughts without fear of forgetting them | | Invite the right people | If they are bored they will find something else to occupy their mind | | | Use the room space to walk behind the person and continue your facilitation | It’s difficult to work on something else when someone is behind you or hovering nearby | | Speak to the person in a break and understand why they are not participating | They may appreciate your trying to understand them and being discreet about it | | Do an energiser | This may prompt them to refocus on the workshop | | | Ask them in a break if they wish to leave | They’ll probably appreciate your concern and leave or start to participate | | | | | | | Design in small group or team activities | Keep them busy to reduce chance of them hijacking | | Distribute agenda in advance and ask for any changes / additions to be notified before workshop | Refer them to the advance notice | | Ask people for their personal goals and concerns for the workshop in advance | Speak to them if any issues | | | Remind them that you are on this section of the agenda | They may have lost their way in the agenda | | Ask: “If I understand you correctly you think we should discuss x. What do others think”? | If over 50% agree you have a mutiny! You could halt workshop or work with them to modify agenda | | Ask them to logically justify any addition to the agenda | This might keep them quiet or it may reveal that you do have an issue to address | | Ask if you can park this issue for later discussion or another workshop and capture their point on a chart | This is if their topic is valid but there is no time | | If dominating a small group, break in and remind the group of the objective of the exercise | Try the “Diana” technique, bend down to the group at eye level so that you don’t seem overbearing | | | Take a break and speak to them personally about the issue | This may identify if they are just being disruptive or have a real issue | | Ask for individual goals for the workshop at beginning [if you can’t get in advance] | Discuss with group if their goals don’t match yours and agree what to do |
| | | | | | Use small group or team activities | Mix individuals within the groups continually so that they don’t inflame others in their small group too much | | Assign group leaders to help control groups; rotate them and the groups | Assign a number to each person to help the rotation! | | Use up front agreements to identify this type of behaviour as unacceptable | It comes out every time as unacceptable behaviour | | | Walk towards them when they speak | This shows confidence | | Build a bridge | “Thank you for that – who else would like to contribute?” | | Directly ask others for input | “Can anyone else add anything here” | | Get the dominant one to write on the chart | Take care not to let them hijack the group or control what is written | | Incentivise others to participate | More helpful in training sessions | | Acknowledge their input but clearly assert that you want to hear views from all | This helps if they are an expert | | Capture their point on a chart for later discussion | This stops them controlling the pace | | If dominating a small group, break in and remind the group of the objective | Try the “Diana” technique, bend down to the group at eye level so that you don’t seem overbearing | | | Ask them at break time if they would, in a positive way, encourage others to speak | If a senior person this might have them think the group has an issue not them ~ this might make it easier for you to raise the issue | | | | | | | Ensure you invite the right people | Does a senior person need to attend if it is about detail? | | In your preparation seek out concerns about the subject or workshop and address before the workshop | They may decide they do not need to be there | | Try and meet with them individually before the workshop to understand opinions | You may be able to build these in to the agenda or simply present them as facts for the group | | | Thank for input and ask group for comment | If they are most senior person, group might not want to comment | | See “Domineering” for other tactics | | | | Can you adapt agenda to cover the high level issues first | Offer people the chance to leave once their topics are covered | | | | | | | Ensure you invite the right people | Don’t invite someone like this unless absolutely necessary | | In your preparation seek out concerns about the subject or workshop and address before the workshop | People who belittle others are often under confident. If they have concerns these may surface as adverse behaviour | | Gain consensus on agreements for acceptable behaviour at the start of the workshop | If known for this behaviour then someone is likely to raise it as a point | | | Refer to agreements | Only works if it was raised as one of the agreements | | Call a break after an incidence of this behaviour and speak to them alone | Point out that this type of behaviour is unacceptable. Try to avoid embarrassing the victim by addressing in the group | | | Can you find a way to boost their confidence | Only works if you know something about them | | Your thoughts welcomed! | | | | | | | | Design small group activity so they are more likely to hear other views | If it doesn’t work at least it impacts only a few | | Build a richer picture for them of the situation | They might change their mind if they are convinced they are heard and they see better options | | Design in techniques such as drawing and metaphors to perhaps break them out of their mind set | Their issue may be a lack of ability to think in alternative ways | | | Reflect their point back to the group and ask for other opinions | Don’t let them think they have the only opinion | | Use dot voting and ensure you get people to explain their reason for their choice | Getting them to verbalise their reason may show flaws in their logic. They will also see that their opinion is not necessarily that of the group | | | Ask them to adopt a different perspective, such as that of a senior manager, to provide them with a wider view of the topic | Asking them to step up a level may be sufficient to kick start other thoughts | | Accept they may be right! | If you have been through the process and their choice has prevailed then perhaps they were right after all | | | | | | | Explain in the briefing that you will be seeking may different viewpoints and that all are acceptable | Hopefully they should not be so sensitive if they understand that all viewpoints are welcome | | Refer up front to “There is no truth ~ only different points of view” | As above | | Use small group activity and paired / individual exercises so they do not have opportunity to sulk | Difficult to sulk when engaged in activity. If sulking is a form of depression then activity is a good counter to it. | | | Speak to them to identify the issue | They may have a problem and welcome the chance to talk | | Ask them to help you with an activity to involve them | Activity may lift their mood | | Refer to agreements on behaviour made at the start of the workshop | Sulking is a form of non participation and this usually comes out in agreements | | | Ask yourself if you may have contributed to their mood | If you have, what could you do about it? | | Think CHER. Ask them if all is OK | They may not be sulking but have other things on their mind triggered by a comment in the workshop | | | Accept that some people prefer to sulk. If you have spoken to them and they are impacting others then leave them or offer them the opportunity to leave | You can use up a lot of your energy on these people | | | | | | | Don’t invite them unless absolutely necessary | Meeting each participant beforehand can avoid this | | Use the “There is no truth only different points of view” quote in your introduction | This may get them thinking | | Use a competitive energiser in the climate building | This may release some of their competitive energy! | | Use processes that encourage group consensus | It’s difficult to continually win if everybody gets a chance to speak and vote | | | Use an analogy about the need to win at all costs being detrimental to long term performance | Look out for any useful items. Don’t make it too pointed that you are referring to them – choose your time | | Take opportunity to talk about the behaviour outside of the workshop | This might reveal the driver for the behaviour | | | Ask them to adopt a different point of view | This may show them that their attitude is not the best | | | | | | | Ensure you invite the right people | Meeting each participant beforehand can avoid this | | In your preparation seek out concerns about the subject or workshop and address before the workshop | The negative or sceptical person may provide some valuable insight that helps you to adjust the workshop | | In your briefing highlight some practical examples and testimonials from others where such a situation has worked elsewhere | This should help reduce their ability to be negative and you can refer to it if they are. This may be virgin territory of course! | | | Present hard data | It’s difficult for someone to argue with or be negative about hard data | | Don’t accept their negative comments at face value; have them explain further by asking why they have that opinion | This may result in surfacing some emotional issue – e.g. the fear of change | | Empathise and reflect – “I can understand why you feel that way …” and throw it out to the group – “does anyone else feel / think this way?” | If everyone has the same opinion you could try a “pros and cons” exercise | | In the interests of time ask them to note down their negative issues for private discussion at the end | Hopefully they will be convinced during the workshop. If not you have avoided group influence | | | Ask yourself - are you viewing them as negative because this is “your baby”? | Avoid facilitating topics where you have particularly strongly views | | Ask them to play devil’s advocate and identify the negative issues for discussion | Sceptics can be useful and may have valid views | People who are actively working on non-workshop activity during the workshop | | | | | | Design in small group activity to prevent them working on other things | In pairs it’s impossible to do something else | | Ask them to clear their desks of anything except what you give them | You could just use chairs so they have nowhere to work! | | Have individuals write up a personal “to do” list of things on their mind | This allows people to put aside their thoughts without fear of forgetting them | | Invite the right people | If they are bored they will find something else to occupy their mind | | | Use the room space to walk behind the person and continue your facilitation | It’s difficult to work on something else when someone is behind you or hovering nearby | | Speak to the person in a break and understand why they are not participating | They may appreciate your trying to understand them and being discreet about it | | Do an energiser | This may prompt them to refocus on the workshop | | | Ask them in a break if they wish to leave | They’ll probably appreciate your concern and leave or start to participate | Seek to distinguish between the expert and those who pretend to know it all | | | | | | Identify those who know a lot about the subject and ask for their help in advance to work with the group | This should either keep them quiet because you have recognised their expertise or it should enlist their support | | Design in small group activities that can highlight expertise | This should reduce their impact in the whole group and still give them the opportunity to show off their expertise | | Use agreement process at the start to highlight this as unacceptable behaviour | It usually comes out | | | As an energiser ask them to draw the front and back of a 50 p piece without looking at it | This can reveal how little we know about common items | | Ask them to make specific points about a topic if they are generalising | If they are not an expert this may keep them quiet | | Ask if anyone in the group would like to comment on the know it all statements | This may deter future contribution | | | At a break, ask them privately if they would be willing to take questions from the others | This should reveal if they are pretending or are true experts | | | | | | | Make sure that you have no mistakes on your materials | If you’re poor on detail see if someone who is good at detail can proof read for you | | Split into small groups so they only impact on a few and you have time to discuss any detail issues with them | The small group may be more willing to reduce their impact too | | | Reflect their point back to the group and ask what they think about it | Let the group be the judge | | Have a quiet word with them at a break, thank them for input but explain that too much focus on detail slows down the group | Be empathetic | | Thank them for pointing out errors but ask for a little more flexibility in the interests of time | Put the point gently! | | | Ask them to adopt a different perspective, such as a senior manager, to have them adopt a wider view of the topic | Asking them to step up a level may be of sufficient interest to reduce their focus on detail | | | Apologise for any error, explain that detail is not your strong point and thank them for pointing it out | There is no harm in admitting an area for improvement | | | | | | | If you know they are unlikely to contribute then avoid inviting them | Remember to give people the opportunity to decline attendance | | Design solo, pair and small group activities in to workshop | Especially pairs but don’t pair with a dominant person | | | Talk to them at break time and inquire if they are all right | They may have a problem and welcome the chance to talk | | Approach at break time and talk about the subject, you may get some ideas as to why they are not participating | They may be quiet because they know nothing about the subject | | Ask small groups to think of questions to ask in the large group | This takes people out of the spotlight | | Use written responses on Post It notes or cards so they are anonymous | This may allow participation through an acceptable mode for this participant | | Build climate, use icebreakers (like Talking Movies) to get them talking to others | They may not enjoy sharing with others but if you want contribution you may need to do these | | Ask them to help you with an activity to involve them | | | Refer to agreement | Non participation often comes out in this exercise | | | Accept that some people prefer to listen and not to participate. If you have spoken to them and they are all right then leave them be | You can use up a lot of your energy on these people trying to get them involved | | | | | | | Have written instructions for each exercise | You may like to offer these if wanted | | | Suggest that you have explained your point badly and explain again in a different way | Be patient! | | Reflect to the group ~ ask if any one else does not understand the point | If time, review the point again. If not, offer to explain at the break | | Reflect to the group ~ ask if anyone else could explain the discussion point | Encourages group participation | | At a break ask them if they are having problems with the content of the workshop and if so what they suggest might be done | Be empathetic | | | Ask them how what they are saying fits in with the topic being discussed | Adopt the mind set that you are explaining badly rather than they are slow | You may consider they have an inflated opinion of them self but your job is to make the workshop achieve its objectives. You need to ensure that you avoid or address the situation so that it does not impact on others. | | | | | | Provide a full briefing which identifies the other participants and ask people to accept or decline the invitation | If they consider themselves above the topic or the other attendees then they should decline. If their input is necessary see if you can obtain it another way | | Make clear in the briefing that this workshop is the only opportunity to input. This might encourage them to come and participate | The danger is, if they don’t attend they then may seek to overturn the agreed outcomes of the workshop | | | If they attend and you suspect they are not participating for this reason then ask them at a break if they would like to leave the workshop | Smooth their ruffled egos with kind words | | If they raise the point during the workshop (unlikely unless they have a massive ego) reflect the point to the rest of the group and ask if others feel the topic is not relevant to them | If others agree then you need to reconsider whether it is worth running the workshop. If not take a five minute break and let the person leave quietly | | | Acknowledge that they may be above this, but ask them if they might use their skill and experience to help the group | Flatter their egos to get them on side with you | This tends to depend on the agreements being broken. | | | | | | Have the group set the agreements | This makes the group the victim of their agreement breaking not you | | |